DynaPapa is out of town. F*ck my life.
Picked up OlderTwin from after school care yesterday. Five steps outside the after school care building he tried to open an art project he made, but tore it. He instantly threw himself on the ground and began screaming. I remained calm by constantly telling myself my latest mantra, as stolen from Hello, Dolly!, ”Beneath your parasol the world is all a smile.”
After 5 minutes of his screaming and banging his arms and legs into the pavement, I convinced him to let me carry him to the car. Thirty seconds into me carrying him, he remembered the torn art project and began violently kicking me while demanding to be put down. "Beneath your parasol the world is all a smile."
I set him down as requested, primarily so I could attend to my now badly injured and bruised shin (and honestly I thought momentarily he may have broken my leg it hurt so bad). I sat a few feet away from him and calmly told him that I would wait, for as long as he needed, while he worked on re-regulating himself. "Beneath your parasol the world is all a smile."
I sat there for 20 minutes while he screamed, tried to repeatedly kick me again, and actually bit a metal pole three times. His screaming was so loud that people who live near the after-school center came out to ask if he needed help. He screams with such volume and force that people often think he’s been injured, believing only a dying person could scream with such intensity. I reassured everyone that he was ok and after 20 minutes he burned himself out and then as sweetly as can be asked if he could play on the playground equipment for a few minutes before heading to the car. "Beneath your parasol the world is all a smile."
This morning there was a 45-minute melt down because he wanted to wear sandals to school, a violation of school rules. He immediately agreed to my suggestion of putting his sandals in his backpack and wearing them during his time at the after school care center since sandals are allowed at their facility. However, at the moment of dropping his sandals into his backpack, he lost it and began screaming, kicking the walls, punching the door, and was totally out of control. At this point, I finally broke and wondered if it just wouldn’t be easier if I took that f*cking parasol and beat myself into a coma with it.
And to top if all off, when all the smoke and dust cleared and I finally got back home from dropping the kids off at school (and they were both late, of course, because of the 45-minute melt down), I discovered the dog has diarrhea, again.
Yep. Definitely smashing that f*cking parasol over somebody’s head today. Might be mine. Might be the driver who cuts me off in traffic today. But somebody is getting a parasol upside the head if they even look at me the wrong way today.