Coming Out for Purim
Moms Have No Excuse for Dressing Like Slobs at School Dropoff
Dear All Snakes On The Planet,
I may have written an unflattering post about y’all yesterday and for that I sincerely apologize. 
As I was taking the trash out a few minutes ago, one of your representatives stopped by to admonish me for not posting something nice about you guys. Again, I apologize. Please call off your goons. Don’t send me anymore snake visitors, please. 
By the way, I noticed this snake representative managed to slither under the closed garage door (what the f*ck?), thereby entering my garage. Please let him know it’s his now. He can keep it. I really didn’t need that garage anyway. 
Humbly yours,
ElectraDaddy
P.S. Rest assured. I have no plans to send you the cleaning bill for the underwear I soiled.

Dear All Snakes On The Planet,

I may have written an unflattering post about y’all yesterday and for that I sincerely apologize. 

As I was taking the trash out a few minutes ago, one of your representatives stopped by to admonish me for not posting something nice about you guys. Again, I apologize. Please call off your goons. Don’t send me anymore snake visitors, please. 

By the way, I noticed this snake representative managed to slither under the closed garage door (what the f*ck?), thereby entering my garage. Please let him know it’s his now. He can keep it. I really didn’t need that garage anyway. 

Humbly yours,

ElectraDaddy

P.S. Rest assured. I have no plans to send you the cleaning bill for the underwear I soiled.

If you never marry and your sister writes a series of books about her childhood that are eventually turned into a television series, know that this means writers and producers of said television series will just make sh*t up about you to keep the story line interesting. 

After struggling through some insecurity and tension when her husband has an accident and miraculously regains his sight (the sight he lost in an earlier accident - dude was apparently very careless), Mary Ingalls suffers a miscarriage followed by giving birth to a baby who winds up dying in a fire that Mary’s brother accidentally starts. 

In real life, Mary never married so all that stuff about her marriage and kids was totally made up just so the television writers could f*ck with her character. I mean, seriously, it’s not bad enough that the character goes blind (which did happen in real life) but you gotta fictionalize the poor girl losing two kids? 

And this was considered wholesome, family TV programming. Welcome to the 1970s. Say what you want about 80s fashion, but it had nothing on the weirdness that was 70s entertainment. 

First day of second grade. They’re nervous but excited. 

OlderTwin resumes his special ed classroom experience. When they’re babies, you don’t imagine your child will have an intellectual disability. Learning and then accepting this truth means the end of certain dreams but the birth of many others. 

Helping my parents cope through a similar experience when I came out prepared me for recognizing that the end of one set of dreams doesn’t mean life is over. It simply means you get to create a new set of dreams. 

So I’m pretty excited, too, as they start their journey through 2nd grade. I hope it’s a wonderful year for both of them. First day of second grade. They’re nervous but excited. 

OlderTwin resumes his special ed classroom experience. When they’re babies, you don’t imagine your child will have an intellectual disability. Learning and then accepting this truth means the end of certain dreams but the birth of many others. 

Helping my parents cope through a similar experience when I came out prepared me for recognizing that the end of one set of dreams doesn’t mean life is over. It simply means you get to create a new set of dreams. 

So I’m pretty excited, too, as they start their journey through 2nd grade. I hope it’s a wonderful year for both of them.

First day of second grade. They’re nervous but excited.

OlderTwin resumes his special ed classroom experience. When they’re babies, you don’t imagine your child will have an intellectual disability. Learning and then accepting this truth means the end of certain dreams but the birth of many others.

Helping my parents cope through a similar experience when I came out prepared me for recognizing that the end of one set of dreams doesn’t mean life is over. It simply means you get to create a new set of dreams.

So I’m pretty excited, too, as they start their journey through 2nd grade. I hope it’s a wonderful year for both of them.

Not necessarily. 

Eye closing could be due to experiencing a situation you do not wish to acknowledge. Or, you’re just not aware of the caliber of disaster indicated by the presence of a pool table in your community. 

Cuz I’m a gay dude who sees lyrics to musicals in everything.

Not necessarily.

Eye closing could be due to experiencing a situation you do not wish to acknowledge. Or, you’re just not aware of the caliber of disaster indicated by the presence of a pool table in your community.

Cuz I’m a gay dude who sees lyrics to musicals in everything.

1. You not only remember watching Willie Nelson’s film debut (shout out to Wendell Hickson in The Electric Horseman, starring Jane Fonda and Robert Redford) at the theater; but also, his first starring film role in Honeysuckle Rose.

2. Because you saw Honeysuckle Rose at the theater, you remember the hit song, “On the Road Again”, was written for this movie.

3. You insist that your children sing “On The Road Again” with you every time you take a family road trip and if they refuse you threaten to throw their f*cking iPads out the window if they don’t. (Ok. The iPad throwing may be more indicative of anger management issues than being old but I’m still gonna count it.)

4. You know that Honeysuckle Rose co-starred bomb-riding Slim Pickens and you understand the “bomb-riding” reference.

5. F*ck DVDs. You own Honeysuckle Rose on VHS.

Bonus: Your Friday nights used to consist of hitting up the gay bars and clubs but this Friday night you’ll be feeding your kids dinner and then teaching the folks at the retirement home the line dance for “Rhinestone Cowboy”.

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