I was reading the comments to a parenting column and was like, wow, these non-parents are so smart because, you know, people without kids are, in their mind, undoubtedly the best parents. Isn’t it funny how it works out that way?  

Here are a few of the gems, followed by my thoughts in blockquote.

Comment: “Get off your ass and tend to your children.”

Absolutely because parenting is no time to be riding around on an ass. Besides, most restaurants and other public spaces have a no pets or farm animal policy anyway. So, leave the ass at home. 

"Children should be seen and not heard."

Totally. Only deaf people should be allowed to raise kids.

"Personally, I am not a parent. Most of my family lives in a different State from me, and very few of my inner circle friends have kids, and if they do, most have reached adulthood. In other words, I am very rarely around children…. I find it annoying to hear children from like 2 to 6 years of age yelling and screaming at public places. …(A) library would not be an appropriate place for toddlers to be in. A museum is another example."

Definitley. Take out the children’s section that every library in America has because, when at the library, adults behave perfectly, except, of course, for this guy, this guy, this guy, this guy, or this guy who behaved very badly at the Salt Lake City Public Library in 1994. In fact, we could use the space that once housed the children’s section to install a police substation, making it easier and quicker to handle all the adults who never, ever behave badly at the library. 

but the subway platform isn’t one of them.

When you walk more than 10 feet in front of your five-year-old and never look back you won’t notice that he’s walking on the yellow edge of the platform and running his hand across the outside of the railcars as the train is about to start moving.

So, yeah, I asked him about the toy he was carrying in his other hand so as to distract him away from the departing train and the edge of the platform. And, no, I wasn’t upset because parenting ought to be about helping & looking out for each other rather than judging.

Except for that purse you had. What the hell was up with that?
Alright they got to enjoy their electronics while I did my two-hour workout. But, now the Taskmaster is done and it’s time to break up this electronic festival so we can get some work accomplished up in this here trailer. 

Alright they got to enjoy their electronics while I did my two-hour workout. But, now the Taskmaster is done and it’s time to break up this electronic festival so we can get some work accomplished up in this here trailer. 

I worked in the department responsible for producing the corporation’s annual report but had no training in artwork and design and didn’t understand that when I asked the publisher to reverse a picture so the photographed employees would be facing inward, rather than outward, (and I only did this because a yearbook advisor once told me that people shouldn’t be looking off the page but rather towards the fold - again I’m a CPA so who was I to question this logic) not realizing flipping the picture would do some weird reverse image thing, like make it appear that the three male employees were wearing their wedding rings on their right hand, instead of the usual left, which was a thing in the mid-90s for gay couples to do.

Oh, boy! The complaints poured in. Welcome to Corporate America in the south in the 90s. I wound up with a notation in my personnel file that said, “made employees look gay.”

At the time, it kinda made me want to move the person’s cheese into their mouth and down their windpipe. (Moving cheese was another 90s Corporate America thing. It was a weird time, what can I say.)

You can see why I eventually concluded Corporate America was not for me and left. May also explain my aversion to Photoshop.

One of the few benefits of having twin boys who are the same size and share a room is that laundry sorting has never been required. I wash their clothes and then all the shirts go in one drawer, all the pants in another, and all the extras like underwear & socks in yet another.

When it’s time to get dressed the boys simply pick whatever they want to wear from the communal piles. But, no more. Minecraft has f*cking ruined this simplicity.

I bought several Minecraft shirts for summer and each kid has claimed certain ones as their own, refusing to allow the other kid to wear it. This means I now have to keep up with what clothing belongs to what kid. It’s no biggie, at this point, because I wrote their initials in the Minecraft shirts so I could remember.

But, I see where this trend is headed. Today it’s Minecraft t-shirts; but, tomorrow all the t-shirts will be claimed and individualized, requiring that I keep track and begin storing them separately. Then next week it’ll be pants & soon after the socks and underwear. Ugh!

I mean, sure, it’s not unreasonable to want clothes that are all your own, especially by age seven. But, Gawd, I’m gonna miss the simplicity communal clothing offered.

I curse you, Minecraft!

If you want to give me a bid for a landscaping project I need completed and you tell me to visit your Facebook page to see pictures detailing examples of your work and I happen to notice that in your Facebook feed you’ve liked this picture

image

then I’m not going to use you for the project (hell I wouldn’t even trust you to shovel dog poop) because you’re a prick.

Parenting Done Right
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