The school is hosting a “Tea Party” on Friday, May 10th and here’s what the invitation says.
The tea party is a very fancy event. Your kindergartner will entertain you, spoil you, and show their love with their homemade edible treats, and a little show! Each student will invite one special guest to attend the tea party. Typically, this is mommy, but daddies, aunts, special friends, etc. have come in the past if it works better for your family. Prepare to be “wowed” by your little one. Unfortunately, due to space constraints, we can allow only one guest per kindergartner. Thank you for your understanding.
What the fuck?
"Space constraint"? Funny, there’s never been a "space constraint" for any of the other events that the school has hosted - back to school night, holiday parades, etc. But, now, for an event scheduled on Friday, May 10th, two days before Mother’s Day (what a coincidence), there’s a space constraint so students can only bring one guest and "(t)ypically this is mommy…."
Cut the bullshit. This is a Mother’s Day event. In fact, in another, separate announcement that was sent home it’s referred to as “The Mother’s Day Tea Party”. School ends in early June so it’s worth noting that there will not be a corresponding Father’s Day event.
Why is it acceptable for the school to host what is essentially a Mother’s Day event and not have a corresponding Father’s Day event? Dads are accessories? Dads are disposable? Dads are unimportant? Dads are an after-thought?
Additionally, since the school called it a Mother’s Day event in another announcement and is restricting attendance to one adult, what is a two mommy family supposed to do? Pretend one of them doesn’t exist? Talk about discriminatory heterocentric bullshit.
We were recently asked if a new kindergarten parent could contact us because his daughter is feeling a bit different since she only has a dad. The teacher thought it might help her to meet another family that doesn’t include a mommy. I have no idea why the little girl only has a dad. There’s a multitude of reasons that could explain this family structure, but, with these kind of “tea parties” I can certainly understand why she might feel different.
Our preschool hosted a Mother’s Day event, but it also hosted a Father’s Day event. We simply kept the kids out of preschool during the Mother’s Day event and did something together as a family. We gave the preschool ample notice so they knew when designing their “show” not to include a space for the twins. In the weeks leading up to the Mother’s Day event, the twins worked on an arts and crafts project for their grandmother. No big deal. Easy Peasy situation to handle.
For kindergarten, the school should do the right thing and host a celebration tea, allowing students to bring two guests. This eliminates favoring moms while ignoring dads and it also accounts for two mom families.
I’ve decided to keep the twins out of school that day but won’t be telling the school in advance. Let them figure it out the day of the event. If it creates a hole in their “show”, so be it. Respect is a two-way street. If you’re not going to show respect to dads in general and completely ignore two mom families then I’m not going to bother providing you any notice of my kids’ absence.