Feb 09

Me: In two weeks we are all going to Pismo Beach.

Both Twins: Why?

Me: One of Daddy’s friends wrote a play.

OlderTwin (my future artist): He did. That’s cool. It’s like magic. Daddy, can I write a play?

Me: How about we focus on writing your full name, first?

YoungerTwin (my future corporate attorney): Is the play for kids?

Me: No, it’s for adults. 

YoungerTwin: Meh. Can I have my sandwich, now?

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Feb 08

YoungerTwin talking to his teacher: “My dad was out of town last weekend. He went to a conference about boogers.”

Boogers. Bloggers. Close enough.

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Jan 17
When he’s really tired sometimes OlderTwin will sleep with his legs and arms tucked up like he did when he was a baby. Catching him in these moments always makes me sentimental for that little 6-pound baby that I brought home from the hospital. 

When he’s really tired sometimes OlderTwin will sleep with his legs and arms tucked up like he did when he was a baby. Catching him in these moments always makes me sentimental for that little 6-pound baby that I brought home from the hospital. 

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Dec 20

I ran across this 40-second Christmas present video. Josh seems like an awesome kid so I felt compelled to offer him some advice.

Josh, buddy, really. Your sister wants the damn thing? Let her have it. In the end, you’ll thank me. 

Sure. Making Blizzards and selling ice cream is all fun and games until you gotta clean the restrooms after a busy lunch rush; or you think those DQ Beef Nuggets are going to catch on (who wouldn’t want little fried nuggets of meat) so you order what turns out to be way too many boxes and are stuck with them; or you spend ten minutes picking globs of dried up Blizzard out of your hair because the Blizzard mixer splatters droplets of soft serve everywhere like a rabid priest sprinkling holy water during an exorcism; or a deranged woman throws a Blizzard cup at your head because when she said, “I want a Reese’s Blizzard” she meant Reese’s Pieces not Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups - which, apparently, you are supposed to know because you’re a f*cking mind reader. (And, never mind that Reese’s Pieces hasn’t been on the menu in 3 years.)

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Dec 19

I love the Christmas song, I’m Gettin’ Nuttin’ for Christmas, and ran across this adorable YouTube video. How has this not gone more viral? 

His “mean” face is just too funny. And you have to see his laugh at the very end!!

Many thumbs up to this kid - where ever he is now. 

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Dec 16

Sunday Sing-Along: Tracks of My Tears 

Tears were the theme for this weekend so this one seemed somewhat appropriate.

Friday’s tears need no explanation.

We spent Saturday teaching the boys to ride a bike - no training wheels. Oh, Lordy. I thought potty training was an endeavor. This was so much harder.

You have no idea. So many tears of frustration were shed on Saturday - all be me, of course. And, yes, the kids rode tracks right thru my puddles of tears.

Why, why, why do they think using the wall of a building is the best braking procedure? Why, why, why do they think it’s amusing to smash into each other while riding their bikes? Please, please, please don’t let any of this mean their future involves starring in some horrid Jackass remake. 

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Dec 13
We visited Santa Claus yesterday!  Look. No tears. I attribute this tear-free experience to our use of a tear-free shampoo immediately before visiting Santa Claus. What? True story.

We visited Santa Claus yesterday! 

Look. No tears.

I attribute this tear-free experience to our use of a tear-free shampoo immediately before visiting Santa Claus.

What? True story.

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Dec 09

When DynaPapa is out of town on business, I can’t sleep. This could be because the twins use his absence as an excuse to sleep in my bed. To them, sleeping in my bed means coming in & completely taking over. How two six-year-olds manage to take up an entire king bed, leaving me only enough room to lay on my side, is a physics & logistics wonderment.

So, it’s 7:30 am in California & I’ve already wrapped two Christmas gifts, emptied the dishwasher, worked out for an hour & 40 minutes, folded a load of laundry, started another load in the washing machine, and have the griddle fired up so that I can make breakfast.

DynaPapa is, thankfully, home tonight. Not a moment too soon!

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Dec 07

This article, “Could Your Child Be Gay?”, on the parenting.com website caught my eye. Interesting stuff.

When a (gay) kid’s family rejects him, the odds of attempted suicide are nine times higher (than that of his heterosexual peers). Nine times.

Nobody, not even a gay parent, sits around hoping that their kid is gay. But, if you would reject your child for being gay, knowing that such an action leads to a dramatic rise in the risk of suicide, then you shouldn’t be parenting a house plant, much less a kid.  

And for those parents who want to blame themselves for “making” their child gay, remember this quote (emphasis added) from the article.

No study has proved that you can “turn” a kid gay. (That also means that parents can’t make a homosexual kid hetero, says J. Michael Bailey, Ph.D., a professor of psychology at Northwestern University.) “What parents can do, however, is make their kids happy or miserable — they have that ability,” he adds. “A gay kid whose parents think there’s something wrong with him, that tends to be a miserable kid.”

Some tips offered by the article.

So how can you make sure your child knows that with you, at least, he’s safe being himself, even if he’s not ready to discuss sexual feelings per se?

Remark positively on a gay relative, friend, or celebrity. 

Act as you would if there were a gay person in the room. That is, don’t tell or laugh at gay jokes or use denigrating words about gay people, even if you’re not talking about anyone your child knows. If an older sibling says a movie or a song is “gay,” offer him alternate adjectives. Say something like “I think what you meant is ‘silly,’ ‘ridiculous,’ or ‘corny.’ Because ‘gay’ is not a word we use to mean those things.

Tell him or her outright, “I’ll love you every bit as much no matter what you are,” says Bailey. “That’s the most important message any parent can send.”

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Dec 04

Apparently, I only put deodorant on my left armpit this morning. Totally skipped the right underarm. 

This is what happens when you are in a hurry to get out the door because the two kindergartners you live with were in a let’s-make-life-difficult mood this morning. 

I used to be so sane and rational before I had kids.

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